The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
