my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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