They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
