It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
