Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
