That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
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