if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
