We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
