You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
