We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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