just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
