dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
