K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
