onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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