Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
