haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
