my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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