Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
