im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
