Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
