I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
