The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
