I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
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