Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
