I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
