my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
