is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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