So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
