so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just blew my weed a kiss
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
