wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
