Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
