Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I need to stop coming to work sober
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
It was like getting head from an anaconda
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
