I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
