I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
