Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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