in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
