you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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