I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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