dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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