Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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