I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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