And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
