DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
