There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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