once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
