Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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