You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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