just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
