I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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