Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
