remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I CAN MOONWALK!
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
